“The post baby body” …It’s something I’ve heard a lot of women talk about but never completely understood until I had a child of my own. What started out as a quest to get my body back after childbirth turned into so much more than just how my body looked. To start, I need to take you way back to my pre-baby self. Growing up, I was pretty active and played sports from the age of five all the way through to high school. This kept me moving and in good physical shape. My first couple years of college, I exercised a few times a week. However, I was always someone who ate whatever I wanted. I loved soda and sweet tea, and I drank multiples of both every day. I also loved fast food, take out, and going out to eat. If it was bad for me, I loved it. I ate whatever I wanted when I wanted and didn’t think twice about what I was putting into my body. I competed in a few beauty pageants in high school, and while training for those, I would change my diet in preparation. By change my diet, I mean 100 calorie snack packs, artificial sweeteners, and anything low-fat, low-calorie, and sugar free (YIKES! – more on that later!). After my sophomore year of college, I started a BSN program and life just got in my way, or at least that was my excuse. I stopped exercising except for the occasional walk. I got married after college, got a new job, my husband and I bought a house in the suburbs, and my health just was not my focus. When I got pregnant with my daughter at 25, it still didn’t click that I should be more mindful of what I ate. I continued to drink sugary drinks, eat fast food, and consume lots of junk! It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 30 weeks pregnant that I started to reconsider my diet. My OB/GYN put me on a diabetic diet to control my blood sugar, and I was not too happy to no longer be able to eat whatever I wanted – especially while pregnant. So to my dismay, I made the necessary diet changes to help regulate my blood sugar, and both Madden (my daughter) and I were totally fine. I actually lost weight at the end of my pregnancy due to the diet changes, and ended up gaining only 18 pounds through my entire pregnancy.

I had an otherwise very healthy and easy pregnancy, and thankfully Madden’s body was able to regulate its own blood sugar when she was born without intervention. You may think that after eating somewhat healthy for the last ten weeks of my pregnancy that I would continue this trend after my baby was born. Wrong! I remember my OB/GYN saying that as soon as my baby was born, I was free to eat whatever I wanted. Gestational diabetes goes away as soon as the baby is born, and I would no longer have to check my blood sugar multiple times a day or keep track of my meals. So, I kid you not, I asked my dad to have a Wegman’s sub and McDonald’s sweet tea ready for me to eat as soon as I gave birth. Madden was not even an hour old when my dad walked my requested food into the delivery room. I ate it right in the exact bed I had just delivered a baby. Thinking about it now makes me cringe! My parents and my in-laws were passing the baby around, and I was enjoying my precious food I hadn’t been able to eat for ten weeks. The next morning, I ordered a big plate of French toast from the hospital cafeteria and lathered it with butter and syrup and enjoyed every bite. Needless to say, I went back to my old ways of eating very quickly. I continued to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, with no regard to what was in my food or if I was giving my body the proper fuel it needed. It was nothing for me to call my husband after a football game on a Friday night (he was a high school football coach at the time) and ask him to bring home Chick-Fil-A for me at 10PM. Multiple nights a week, after we got Madden to bed, I would drive to McDonald’s (a couple miles down the road from our house) and order a sweet tea and Reese’s McFlurry (with extra Reese’s of course). I obviously have a sweet tooth. I can’t even begin to think of all the processed sugar I was consuming! My husband, daughter and I would go for family walks in the evening a couple times a week (we had a Bernese Mountain dog at the time and tried to get him out for exercise), and I would take Madden for walks during the day (I stay home with her), but this was the extent of my exercise.  This pattern continued for the first year of my daughter’s life. My main focus was her, and I didn’t put much thought into my health or well-being. I kept telling myself that I had a baby, my body was going to obviously look a little different, and that was life. My husband still loved me, and that was enough for me. It’s so easy as a mom to put yourself on the back burner and not give much thought to self-care or self-love. You have so much responsibility, and it is so easy to let it consume you. At least it was for me! I love our baby so much, and I just wanted to make her needs my priority.  Right around the time my daughter was turning a year old, I started to notice that I just wasn’t feeling great.  No matter how much sleep I got, I always seemed to be tired. I was sluggish, my skin broke out a lot, I always had headaches, I experienced low blood sugars multiple times a week, and I frequently got chest pain and chest palpitations. I was even in the ER a couple times thinking I was having a dang heart attack! I got the flu three times in that first year after having a baby, and I seemed to catch every cold that went around. Not that this is solely about weight, but I think it’s appropriate to add that I weighed more at my daughter’s first birthday than I did at my six week postpartum checkup. Clearly my diet was awful, and I was not taking care of myself. 

After many conversations with my sister and my husband about my diet and how I was feeling, I started to think that my symptoms may be correlated to the food I was putting into my body. I decided to make some changes in my diet and see if I felt any better. I was also ready to get back into shape and feel like my old self again. So, I started making simple changes and started to see results right away. After a few weeks, I was starting to feel better and let’s be honest, look better which was also a motivation.  As I continued to be more mindful of what I ate, I started working out. Because I was not in great shape to start, I began slow. I found some online workout videos that I would do from home in my basement (often times with a dog and baby constantly under my feet). I hate going to the gym, so effective workouts that I could do at home were perfect for me. Also, who has time to drive to the gym with a baby? As I started to get into better shape and continued eating better, I started to notice that I was becoming a little more obsessed with it than I liked. I developed a few unhealthy habits of which I am not super-proud.  For starters, I began weighing myself every single morning. Weighing yourself can definitely be a motivating factor when trying to get healthier and shed some weight, however I noticed that I allowed the number on the scale to affect my mood for that day. If I woke up and was even a half pound heavier than the morning before, I would be upset, frustrated, and confused (just to name a few). The number on the scale would not make sense to me because I was eating better and working out. I couldn’t understand why my weight was more that day than the day before. If my weight was up a little that morning, I would then start to think about what food I had to cut out that day or what extra hard workout I could do to compensate. I now realize there are SO many things that make our weight fluctuate day to day including hormones, water weight, what we ate the day before, etc. Our weight is constantly fluctuating.

Secondly, I started scrutinizing every single body part in the mirror. My arms weren’t toned enough, my stomach still wasn’t as tight as it used to be, I had some stretch marks on my hips from pregnancy that I just wanted to disappear, my butt was too saggy and my thighs? Don’t even get me started! These are all things I told myself every single day! How was I ever going to have a positive body image if all I did was fill my mind with garbage? How was I supposed to teach my daughter to love herself when I couldn’t even effectively do that for myself? If these were things I would absolutely never think or say to my daughter about her body, why was it ok to say to myself?

Another unhealthy habit I developed was that I would eat clean Monday through Friday and then feel I needed to indulge on the weekends (every weekend, all weekend) because of all I “missed” during the week. I would binge on junk food for dinner and then on top of that order dessert. I pretty much erased any progress I made the previous week and felt guilty about it the whole next day.

About four months into my journey, I also downloaded an app on my phone that counted my calories. Listen, if you are just starting out with a health and fitness journey and need to count calories as a starting point, obviously do what is best for you. It definitely makes you very aware of what is going into your body, but I started to notice that this was also becoming a problem for me.  Monday through Friday, nothing went into my mouth without me first adding it into my app (down to every mushroom and slice of bell pepper on my salad). I would check my app multiple times a day to see where I was with calories, and also how many fats, carbs, proteins and sugars I had consumed up to that point in the day. Instead of listening to my body, I allowed the stupid app to tell me what I could and could not eat. If I already had eaten dinner but felt hungry and had used up all my calories for the day, I would not eat a snack. If I had calories left over at the end of the day, I would eat a snack just because I felt I could – not because I was hungry.

As far as my workouts were concerned, I worked out pretty hard seven days a week (most weeks). If I missed a workout for whatever reason, I thought about it all day. This all continued for several months. I am smart enough to know that this wasn’t healthy for me, and it wasn’t my idea of health. I didn’t want my daughter to constantly see me counting out my calories on my phone every time I ate. What example was I setting for her?  I also never wanted her to see me weigh myself for fear she would pick up on the habit. If these are things I NEVER wanted my daughter to do, why was I doing them? If my goal was to be the healthiest version of myself, I was starting to think I had it all wrong. Obviously, my relationship with food and my body image had gotten out of hand and was not at all healthy. After many long conversations with my husband and sister (these poor people have been listening to my feelings day in and day out), doing a lot of research on my own, and spending some time praying about the changes I knew I had to make, I decided I HAD to make some changes. If I wanted to be what I knew in my heart was healthy, I needed to cut out the bad habits. So, one morning I woke up and just decided that was the day I was going to make the change. I told myself I was not going to weigh myself, and I was not going to stare at my body in the mirror. I was going to look at my body with love and kindness and appreciation. I was not going to count one single calorie.  I was going to eat when I was hungry and stop when I was full. I was going to eat foods that fueled my body and helped it work to its fullest potential. If I ate something that wasn’t necessarily healthy, I would just move on with life and get back on track at the next meal. NO BIG DEAL! When I worked out, I was going to replace the carbohydrates I had just burned with a healthy snack, no matter what time of day or how much food I had already eaten that day. I had been doing so many things that were actually working against my body rather than with it. I thought I was doing things that were going to make me a healthier person. I was getting in better shape every day and overall continued to lose weight, but healthy to me also means mentally healthy. To feel great about myself, I needed to be mentally healthy as well as physically healthy. At this point, I made the decision to care way more about WHAT I put in my body rather than HOW MUCH I put in my body. I wasn’t going to be so concerned with the calories as I was with the ingredients. And I wasn’t going to obsess over the number on the scale but instead focus on how I FELT. Once I made this decision, I did a major clean out of our fridge and cupboards. I removed all white processed bread, white rice, white flour, and white refined sugar and replaced them with healthier options. I was not going to cut out carbohydrates completely, that’s crazy. I love carbs! Instead, I was going to choose a carb that better fueled my body. I started to buy only sprouted breads and brown rice. I replaced my white flour with oat flour, spelt flour, almond flour, coconut flour or wheat flour. The white sugar was replaced with coconut sugar, honey, or pure maple syrup. I cut out all canola and vegetable oils and replaced them with olive oil and coconut oil. I consumed lots of healthy fats (they don’t scare me anymore!) such as avocado, healthy oils as just mentioned, raw mixed nuts, and nut butters. I started cooking with a lot of lean meats and eggs. I bought a ton of fresh fruits and vegetables. Instead of instant oatmeal, I switched to rolled oats or steel cut oats. I swapped cow’s milk for unsweetened vanilla almond milk (which I now make myself), and added a protein shake to my every day routine. I started using pink Himalayan sea salt to season our food. I cut out anything that contained artificial sweeteners or anything labeled low calorie or low fat. Believe it or not, many times these foods actually hurt us more than they help us. I started to make a lot of our meals and snacks from scratch at home so I knew exactly what was going into our food. We bought as many whole foods as possible and bought as organic as possible. I continued to increase my water intake and cut out all my sugary drinks. I also never missed a meal. Still to this day, I eat a high protein breakfast every morning. I don’t go more than about three hours without eating. If I want my body to perform at its best, I need to fuel it.  I started reading every single ingredient label at the grocery store (yes, sometimes it took me forever at the store but I’m getting much faster!). A food doesn’t go into my shopping cart without me first reading every ingredient in it. I have a list of ingredients I absolutely do not want myself or my family to consume. I keep the list in my phone so I can pull it out and compare it to an ingredient label if needed! And honesty, the majority of the foods we buy don’t have an ingredient label on them. This may all sound a bit crazy and over the top, but it is what works for my family. My husband has also gotten so much healthier (he dropped 40 pounds and his blood work improved immensely!) due to the changes I made in our house. He started running a few times a week and is the healthiest he has been since I met him nine years ago. It always bothers me when people refer to our change as a “new diet”. We aren’t on a diet. Diets don’t work. We made a lifestyle change. And to be honest, we’ve gotten to the point where we enjoy it! It’s not hard for us. I still eat pasta (brown rice and quinoa pasta) and bread (a sprouted bread or fresh baked bread with spelt flour from the farmer’s market), and I still have that sweet tooth! I LOVE dark chocolate, and my daughter loves to bake so we are constantly making cookies and muffins at our house. We just now use healthier ingredients. I don’t limit myself to what I can and cannot eat. As long as I approve of the ingredients, I eat what I want. Once I started to really pay attention to the ingredients in my food, I noticed my health improved. I can’t remember the last time I had chest pain or a headache. I feel like I have enough energy to chase my crazy toddler around all day, and my blood sugar has never been better regulated.  With all that being said, it is important to note that we are by no means perfect. We still go out to dinner and occasionally order take out (pizza and hot wings are my husband’s favorite). Or, if we are at a birthday party or there is a special occasion, we of course indulge in a piece of cake or some ice cream (and have no idea what crazy ingredients are in it) without guilt. Life is totally about balance. I’ve heard people refer to the 80/20 rule – 80 percent of your diet should be clean and 20 percent of your diet is just real life! This is so true.

 As for my daughter, I also keep things pretty healthy for her. But, she is of course a kid, so occasionally we chase down the ice cream truck and let her pick something out or let her share some candy if the other kids are eating it.

As for my body image, it’s getting better! I’m sure there are so many women who can relate to body image issues in the world we live in. This isn’t something new or foreign to women, especially after childbirth. But, when you start to eat well and exercise out of self-love, it changes your perspective and you feel so much better. I now eat well and exercise because I LOVE my body not because I hate it. As for exercise, I started listening more to my body. I give myself one to two rest days a week. I’ve incorporated different forms of exercise to challenge my body but also to provide some rest. I do a mix of running, strength training, HIIT, Pilates, and just plain walking and stretching. If I overdo it on an intense workout and the next day am feeling sore, I walk a few miles outside, do some stretching and call it a day. Guess what? I don’t have rock hard abs. Maybe I never will, and that’s ok! I’ve decided to focus on all the other benefits exercise and a clean diet give me – increased lean muscle, reduced body fat, increased coordination, strength and balance, reduced risk of diabetes, heart disease, osteoporosis, cancer and the list goes on and on.  God gave me one body, and you better believe I am going to take care of it and love it even if I have to constantly remind myself to do so! Our legs carry us around all day long, our arms hold our babies and hug our loved ones, our bellies stretch out to make room for the most amazing miracles. Shouldn’t we be so thankful and grateful for this? Shouldn’t we want to treat our bodies with love and respect and give it what it needs to continue to do these things for us for years to come? It’s time to appreciate our bodies and treat them with love rather than obsess over how flabby or toned they are. I am preaching this to myself as much as I am preaching it to you! I am 100 percent human and still have good days and bad days just like anyone else. But if there is one thing I’ve learned from all of this, it’s that today is a new day, and it’s never too late to create the healthiest version of yourself. Maybe you already are a healthy person (whatever that means to you) or maybe you are just starting out. Wherever you are, it’s so possible. Start with small changes, and don’t get overwhelmed. It takes time! Obviously I’ve been working through this for almost a year, and I still have so much to learn and work on. Health and fitness to me is all about finding balance and moderation. It does not have to be the focus of our lives and should not lead us to obsessive behaviors. I share this all just in case there is someone who can relate or is struggling with similar feelings. Many people think they do not have time to spend reading labels at the grocery store, making clean meals and exercising, but I feel that if something is important to you, you make time. In order to be the best mom and wife I can be, I need to take care of myself, and I need to make my health (mental and physical) a priority. What help and example am I to my family if I am unhealthy, exhausted, and cranky all the time? I have a daughter who is learning  from me. She is constantly watching. I will be her first example of how to view her body. She will learn from me what to say about it, what to think about it, and how she should feel about it. This is something I take very seriously. This mama plans to raise a strong and confident woman who knows a scale does not determine her worth or her heart. 

This health and fitness journey has helped my family in so many ways. With all this being said, please remember that this is what has worked for us. Obviously everyone and every family is different. You always have to do what works for you and your body. But, my family is the healthiest we have ever been, and that makes my heart so happy!